A lot can happen in 10 years. . .
It really makes me smile when I get a comment, email or text about how inspired someone was by a story I post about my journey. Well, here we go again.... enjoy this one. It may be the one that has kept me alive all these years...
10 years ago... 14 year old Tammy only wanted one thing for her 8th grade graduation present. That was to attend a festival to go see her newly favorite bands Disturbed, Avenged Sevenfold and System of a Down at this festival named Ozzfest. My loving, badass parents eventually decided to surprise me with 2 lawn tickets to go and yes they also dropped me and my friend Joan off and gave us pretzel money.
Any "normal" teen walking into this fest would have probably shit herself seeing the sea of older men and woman in their black shirts and metal "punch you hard in the weiner" faces but not me, oh no. I finally felt a feeling of belonging and being a part of something special for the first time in my life. I was finally in a place where people understood this music I recently fell in love with.
This first video here was my first impression of a heavy ass fuck band Hatebreed with diehard as fuck fans moshing and doing circle pits that took up the ENTIRE lawn. If you where there that day you remember how the lawn exploded. I loved every fuckin second of it so much I decided to join in a mosh pit for the first time and gamble with my life as well hahah I was hooked on this. This was it. Heavy metal music was what was getting me through the awkward years and now I just found out that live music is what I wanted to be a part of my life FOREVER. I was in 8th grade. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life then....
The second clip is a very important one leading back to the very first band I saw at Ozzfest 06. If you've kept up with my posts or have hung out with me recently you know of my revisitation with all of Hatebreed's music. Always was a fan but I've leaned on them HARD the last few months to fuel my life back together. Read back on my posts to hear more about that but in this moment working my way to the stage after parking and running 2 miles to the stage thinking I would miss their set I made it and all the flashbacks of my summer at the gym working out to them, blasting them in my new business when my sister and I relocated, driving around blasting their songs at 2 am on endless drives, I felt adrenalized with that same feeling that little chica in the first clip felt. Unstoppable. Determined and ecstatic about the next 10 years of my life.
The third clip is the madness that endured during our hometown boy's Disturbed's set at Ozzfest 06. This band was the reason I first wanted to go to this show. These dudes were southsiders -they were what everyone in middle and high school talked about. Everyone had a Disturbed story and the day my older sister came home with their CD, I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing. They were the reason I started to give hard rock/metal a chance at all. Far away in the back of the lawn that day, I rocked my ass off finally hearing the songs played live for the first time. Ooo Wa Ah Ah Ah.
The final clip is my best friend Kat and I at Ozzfest watching Disturbed from our seats that my amazing friend TJ hooked us up with. I didn't bring my camera with me. I brought my accomplishments, my journey, my setbacks, my redirections and my new goals with me. There in the montage at the end is a small part of what flashbacked in my head along with a little tear knowing what I have gone through.
I look back on these 10 years and I remember that even with all the up and downs I have a purpose here on this planet. There's a reason that every time I want to give up something saves me. Something or someone comes along and reminds me of what I am capable of. I may not get the gigs that I dream of having and I've learned to realize its okay....why? Because when the Universe doesn't allow it to line up it means there's something bigger and better ahead for you. What you can't let happen when you hit a low is lose sight of the dream. Lose sight of your accomplishments. Lose sight of the passion. Lose sight of yourself.
You will be the only person that holds you back from anything and if you need a reason to believe in yourself watch this video and see someone who believed she would get the tickets from her parents, who believed she can survive a mosh pit, who believed she could buy a camera and figure it out, who believed she'd network until she found a way, who believed she can use an entire summer to work out and not give in to drinking and going out, who almost failed and closed a business but decided to try again, who never thought in million years that years down the road the bands she's watching from faw away in the lawn would one day become the subjects in her camera.
The Universe has a plan, You just have to believe in it ... but most importantly you must believe in yourself.
This is a very embarrassing video but if it can help someone, anyone then my job here is done.